I hate to say it. Any time I see the word cat in the title of a quest or see the Catspeak amulet is required I start already regretting the quest in question. It’s not that these quests can’t have some fun elements. I just know they will take forever to do what otherwise should have been a quick job.

Now these kinds of quests taking forever are a bit of my fault. More times than not I need a normal cat. What I tend to have with me is either a kitten or an overgrown cat. There are many things the overgrown cat can’t do like catching rats. Sometimes the kitten is bad at doing things like catching rats or taking damage.

It also takes a couple of hours for a kitten to become a cat. The only way that happens is if I have one summoned out and I'm taking care of it while the time is slowly ticking by. At that point, I think to myself it might as well just be working on whatever part of the quest that requires a cat.

Rat Catcher

As far as the quest itself is concerned I had to speak with the cat lady herself, Gertrude. Who was supposed to give me some helpful names of people that could assist in training my cat. At the very least give me some tricks of the trade. It seems like I do not have the correct cat, they were as helpful.

The first person had me sending off my kitten catching rats in the sewers. Expect they were not planning to help me at all. That person just thought it would be funny to string me along in some kind of funny prank.

Which my kitten was quite bad at. It must have taken fifteen if not twenty minutes. All just to find out it was some kind of bad joke. That having my cat catch rats in the sewers was going to lead to better training for my cat.

I was then given the name of someone else who was supposed to help me and my cat out. It did not take long before I started to get the funny feeling this was just another joke being played on me.

Next up I was sent on a mission to clear a house of rats. The issue was the place was guarded and I was supposed to be as sneaky as a cat. I was supposed to sneak in without getting caught. Have my kitten kill quite a few rats and then escape.

I’m not sure who had the most fails. My cat failed to catch the rats, or I got caught by the guards. It was a bit silly the guards acted like they had eyes on the back of their heads. Every time I thought they were far enough away and not looking in my direction. I’d discover they were still close enough to detect me trying to move around.

After a few attempts. I made it through the backyard. Up to a window I could get through. Around a bunch of rooms on the top floor. Then down some stairs to the bottom floors. With had to stop a few times along the way and wait for my kitten to take out the rats.

All for what? To be given yet another name of someone who might be willing to give me something for killing rats. This time around I had to poison rats after making a potion. Then create a cure since someone's cat ate a poisoned rat.

There was one rat that survived my attempts to poison it. It was also no longer time for my kitten to be out playing around. I put him away and let him lose my overgrown cat. It was time for him to do battle instead of being fat and lazy sitting in my inventory.

My cat was quite bad at fighting. He would sometimes miss a dozen times in a row to land a single point of damage on the rat. I swear he did that on purpose as I kept having to toss him fish to heal up. You would think he would have lost some weight in an epic fight such as this instead of gaining a pound.

I was for sure thinking this had to be the end. We get some phat reward and be on our way. Nope. Sent someone else to go deal with their rat issues as well.

It was time to send out my kitten yet again after some rats. I was to smoke out the rats hiding in a mine, and he was supposed to catch them. Except he was so bad at it that after a few failed attempts my cat told me to stop.

Since my cat can speak to me and I can understand him when I'm wearing the Catspeak amulet. We came up with a new battle plan. I’d give my cat just enough of a head start that once the rats ran out of their holes from the smoke I was creating, they would run into his claws. The plan ended up working.

Was this good enough? Nope, things started to get downright silly. Next, my kitten was going to be given quite a break. I had to learn a new song on my snake charmer instrument and lead the rats like a piper into the sea! It was a sight to see that was for sure.

After sending my kitten out serval times to hunt rats. Me poisoning and smoking out rats. My overgrown cat is fighting a rat. Finally, tricking rats into jumping off a dock into the sea. It was finally over. I now have unlocked access to the Rat Pits.

My overgrown at also evolved into a lazy cat. My kitten was also a kitten. At this point, I decided I'd leave checking out the Rat Pits another time if my kitten ever needs further training once it becomes a cat. For now, I have had enough rat hunting.

A Tail Of Two Cats

Thankfully this cat quest had nothing to do with catching mice. Nope, it had to do with someone being lazy as a cat. I would end up having to do a bunch of chores. While also being on the lookout for a missing cat. Who funny enough was not lost and found the thing somewhat amusing along with my cat. Naturally, that cat’s not-so-missing name was Bob.

As I went through this quest my cat kept interjecting into things. Since this is before flea medication was invented, I can say the flea-bitten vermin should know when to shut his cat mouth.

It was also quite amusing the kind of wit my cat has. Sometimes he makes such a dry-nose kind of comment. I could not just stop and laugh a little bit on the inside before working further on the quest itself.

After failing to find the cat you end up getting a special amulet that is supposed to help track down Bob the cat. I never noticed how the darn thing worked. So instead, I went world hopping at a common spot that Bob was supposed to appear at. This was good enough to do the trick. As while Bob would sometimes move around. Even more so every time I had to go find him again to advance the quest. It was at least a doable solution.

Things started to get less funny by the time I had to do a bunch of chores for the owner who was feeling quite down that his cat was not returning home. I ended up having to clean both the house and the garden. Both were in quite ragged shape it was clear the owner was having a hard time as would be understandable. That was not understandable as he knew his cat was fine.

The owner's condition ended up getting so bad I started to suspect perhaps he was faking it to con people like me into doing chores and just feeling bad for his situation. So, I put on an entire doctor getup and even gave him the equivalent of sugar pills.

While all of this might have seemed like pure insanity and even funny. The real insane part had not even happened yet. What is bob doing this entire time? Having one heck of a time. I could hardly believe it when I started to see what the little furball was up to.

He was going around with a friend on a magic carpet in the desert pulling pranks on people. Walking into dragon dens and having conversations with dragons. Nothing would seem but to return to its owner. It seems like Bob had little plans of coming home anytime soon and the owner finally got the memo.

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Screenshots were taken and content was written by @Enjar about Old School RuneScape